mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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