you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
