when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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