Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize