how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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