no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Pants are for mortals
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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