i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
