...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
