I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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