Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
