you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Oh god it's open bar.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
