was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
