he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
