I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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