I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
