I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
