thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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