Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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