i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
