Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Shame - the story of my life.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
