Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize