My hair reeks of homosexuality.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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