I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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