I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
