i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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