captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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