sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
