he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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