so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
