I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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