His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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