I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
