sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
