We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
