i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Sober January is a disaster.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
