Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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