During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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