we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
