dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
