you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
