I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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