Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize