Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
