You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
