proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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