How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
