1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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