I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
