I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize