Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
