Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
