I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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