if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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