Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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