For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
