dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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