Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
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