I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
