i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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