his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
