Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
