my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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