I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
