I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
