I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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