my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
