I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
