even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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