I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Dignity is for republicans.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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