I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
