I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
