Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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