When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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