P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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