I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
