literally had 100 drinks last night.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
