everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Randomize
