Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
