The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
