Yo dont text me then not text me
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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