Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
