I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
