alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
