Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
