Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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