Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
