take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
my poor anus
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
