I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
