There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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