He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Randomize