Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
