how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
