Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
