I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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