I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
