I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
