So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
