dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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