he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Reggie can tackle my bush.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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