Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
