i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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