She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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