I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
