May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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