She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
