i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
