Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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