dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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