Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
