ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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