I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
