Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize