dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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